News, news, news! I've applied for a new job over at Target to work overnight flow/stocking. I got the job easy as pie! Now it's just a new goal to be a MAN and keep at the job hard working and 100%! I can't be flaky about it since I really need to save up the cash!
Above is me after orientation, I won a little Target Puppy Plushie for guessing closest to what our store is scored out of 1700. I guessed 50, it was actually 65. Pretty damn good for little ol' Grand Forks ND right?
Well many things have hit the fan since my last post here. I've moved back home with my mom after losing my contract with Subeta which was completely understandable. All bads on my part. I wasn't sure if I could get another job fast enough to manage on my own so to be safe than sorry I convinced my mom to let me move back into the computer room. She cleaned up my room so nicely I couldn't have it back, lol.
This in the long run helps me with my long term goals. By the end of next spring/start of next summer I plan to be moving to Kentucky. I have no reasons to stay in North Dakota, I'm not successful any career, I'm not in school, I'm.. just.. well lurking here. And that's not the life I want. So I'm going to be much more active and shaping up and getting my life into some reality checks! By moving out of the home state I'm accomplishing one goal, I'll be much closer to any if not a ton of conventions of ALL different sorts. Yes, this means next year summer/fall I will officially be attending conventions! Crazy right? It will be a way to help promote myself as an artist and meet all the crazy cool people I know by the internet.
That much aside, the move has gone well, I have everything MOSTLY in order. I just gotta get my name off the lease at the old house and swap over all the bills to one of the room mates. I just keep getting distracted and never have the time to get a hold of her which again is my bad.
Other deals in my life... Well romantics I suppose, I'm just not cut out for it right now I think. I have a lot on my plate self-goal wise that I don't have the energy to keep up with a new love interest. The first one, Grill, as you all may have seen did not turn out so well. I dated him for a short 3 weeks but that clearly was just enough to make a man go crazy. I was extremely sad to find out in the end he really didn't care about me... He only wanted to get laid and I was the closest option to it. Now all he has to say about me are filthy names... He's a crazy guy, but if you're not romantically inclined to him I think he's still some what of a good person. He was a really nice guy and seemed like a good friend to talk to and hang out with. If only I didn't have tits. :/ I can't seem to keep any good guy friends because they all just want sex.... Shit really sucks.
Next one was a really sweet kid that was introduced to me by a friend, but there is a lot of growing up to do on both sides. I just wanted to play cute little crush girl again but it wasn't the right time. After two failed attempts I now more officially now it's better off to just wait.
I know how to date someone I've fallen in LOVE with. Someone who is a dear friend to me, who is a relief to talk to, is a complete blast to be with. Even when we fight we end up laughing over it hours later. That is the man[or woman] I need to date. This whole, "Hey I sorta like you" nonsense isn't getting me anywhere romance wise. So I'll just cut that shit out now lol. Sticking to the cute, fun, playful and single flirt!
Art wise for me right now is really tough stuff... I've lost just about all my drive lately. I bet my customers are cursing my name as I type this, but I just can't seem to get a good grasp on my art-self. I think I've been hurt a few to many times lately and left in a muck of emotional sulking that I don't know how to fix just yet. It's not a simple "hugs feel better" instant fix! It's just something that has to come naturally on it's own or else I'm only half-assing all my work.. And that's not what my customers are paying for. I want to give them the best I can do.
Just right now I'm completely stumped... Even when drawing for myself I can't seem to get out a scribble or two. It hurts since I want to draw, I have some ideas in my head that I'd like to get on screen, but when I sit down to do it.... Nothing is there. I feel empty, weak, almost lifeless.... It's a horrible feeling.
So right now I'm just looking for my spark and praying that my customers will forgive me and be patient. Hopefully I can at least refund the people who do get to frustrated with me now that I have a job. Not a good way to please a customer although... :C
Life is tough, it has it's ups and downs. Regardless of all the distance that is happening between me and my friends right now, the repeating heart breaks, and terrible nightmares I think I'm still pretty positive and happy. Or at least I'm trying really hard to be...
Leaving this post with a little song lyric.
♪♫ I'll watch you falling from me,
When you hit the ground maybe you'll see,
The only way to fall is down
and I'll be up in the stars
but I'll be anywhere you are,
just say you need me and I'll come down ♪♫
Hurts to say it. But I miss him so much.
Sigh.. Thanks for reading,
AJ <3
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