Get your ducks in a row!

Hey everyone, been a little while again since I last posted right? Haha...

Since then I've been on and off again with life, go figure, but you do what you can with it. I've been putting up my business cards around town, no emails yet but then again not everyone in the general public understands or enjoys art the way customers do on FA/DA/Other sites similar.

Played around with the dating game again with a super swell guy, but only to realize that it was to soon and I wasn't prepared to jump that deep yet. It's a shame since I liked him well enough, but it just wasn't enough if you know what I mean...

I've just been thinking lately after my last stresser this month how even more so I need to get my ducks in a row, get my plans made up, priorities straight so that the next time I want to take a swim in the love pool I might be a little more ready. But for now I'm happy just to dab my feet in the shallows, maybe break some hearts and have a few loose ends. Life is gamble! Win or lose, you're still living it with another chance to roll. And that's what I'm doing, I got a little stung from the last guy here and as I do feel I deserved a little of it he was taking 20 steps faster than I could ever manage to catch up. So here I am, rolling again.

Today has been stressful, hurtful, lots of things. I lost another friend even though I kept my heart open to them. People just don't care to keep things like me around I guess, so I'll keep looking for the people who will find me worth while to keep around regardless of what tag I wear to them. They are the ones worth searching for after all!

I spent my day moping around the house, but I did manage to get some doodles done. Nothing to incredibly fancy but I made a new character for an art club I'm in on DeviantArt. It's called Valley of Siyyon and my newest character there is Sirius the Qilin taurkin! I'm also a club moderator there, I help out by being the creativity behind the Humans and Spirit animals part of the club. I have a lot cut out for me that's for my spare time when I'm not working for subeta or on my commissions. Speaking of which I need to get back and cracking on those! I have a lovely break since my last quota due-date and now that I think my near-burn-out is over I can roll back into work.

Last I did tonight was take a really long hot shower, got completely squeaky clean. Tossed on a shirt and shorts and went walking around town all odd hours of the night. Got some hoots and hollas, waved and smiled. It was hard though, I felt pretty glum even after drawing today... By the time I got back near my house it was about 4:25am and I was at the park. I just wandered over to the swing set like I did at my moms place and her lil park and sat down.. I sat there letting the cold breeze swing over me, it was so refreshing. But all of sudden I found myself crying.

I cried long and hard for a good 30 minutes at the least.... I sat there and thought all the "Oh poor me" thoughts I could manage to think up. Soon enough as my head started to pound I got up sniffling wiping away all my snot and tears on my shirt I walked back home. I got inside the house where my two dogs were waiting excitedly for me. Shutting the door behind me I just sat down on the stairs still sniffling and crying here and there to myself but my two pooches wouldn't have that.

They both came wagging up to me and got right in my face licking all the slop, I groaned in disgust but then began to laugh because no matter how hard I tried to push them away they aways came back pushing against me, trying to get my lap, getting under my arms. Just doing what they do best, making their momma happy as can be. It was then I started to think about all the amazing things I do have in my life. I have a brand new car, I have wonderful friends, I have a mother who loves me, a house to sleep in, a job to pay for it all, two lovely little dogs who mean the world to me.

Even though there was no one there to hold me as I cried, to pat my head, rub my back, nothing at all like that... It's okay. I know it's a nice thing to have, but it's not a necessary thing to have. There are not a lot of people who can see that side of me, this completely broken sad self I try so hard to keep tucked away these days and I hope no one ever does have to see it. I hope I don't have to see it ever again too. But it will surface once in a while, but I'll remember to breath, to smile, and to tell everyone I care about how much I love them.

You hear that? I love you Mom, Jesse J, Katie B, Morgan S, Jackie L, Hayley H, Candy and Shade. You guys in your unimaginable ways help make my world go round. How you do it still baffles and astounds me. And I'm lucky. Thanks guys, I hope you know I miss you all so much even though we're so near each other I don't see you all nearly enough.

Ahh, life is tough. But we all manage one way or another. I hope some day I can do a little better than "manage".

Thanks for reading everyone. <3

Here's my card.

So I just finally got my business cards in the mail today! Pretty exciting!

I designed them myself!
It took me 3 versions before this official copy to decide on a card, here are the previous ideas I was testing out before I came to my final decision on what I wanted to show to people through card form.

[1] was my very first attempt at a business card. Very bland, didn't catch attention, just.. all around boring.

[2] second attempt to be simple and to the point. But still I didn't think it was very me at all. I just didn't like the bright white feel it had.

[3] third attempt I didn't get very far. I just wanted to show people that I wanted more of a vivid, dark, eye catching card. Something flashy in a way.

[Final - 4] the last attempt was is the one I liked best. It came in various colors originally but in the end I believe that purple and yellow go hand in hand. Make both colors pop, stand out, just be there own. I wonder why I didn't think to draw a tablet pen since that's what I prefer to work with over a paint brush, I don't even know how to paint actually! Haha, pretty funny to think about.

I just had to update with my flashy new cards, I'm so happy now I have them to hand out when talking about my artistic career! C: Now I just gotta get into learning how to make prints, posters, cards, magnets, all those little trinkets and goodies. It amazing me how much I still have to learn in order to survive the art world business and I took no consideration before LEAPING into it, maybe that's the best way in the end for me. Paddle vigorously and hope to hell I don't sink.

Thanks for reading everyone!

Flowers over Candies

Eeee, I just had to update RIGHT NOW!

I just got an adorable gift.

Grill snuck over to my house during a lunch break and left it on my care, proceeding to send me a picture text message saying there was a present waiting for me outside. You can not imagine my excitement as I tripped up my own stairs haha.
Isn't it gorgeous?!

Ok.. I admit, I was once one of those girls, "Flowers? Why the hell would I want flowers? Give me candy instead!" But after receiving my first rose... OMG I AM GIDDY <3

I just can't stop "Awwww" or "Squeeee!!!" ing over it all. It's just to sweet! Thank you Grill!!!!! <3 I remember where I had to hint like MAD to get previous guys to do.. well... anything. Sigh. +Rolls eyes at memories.+ But this kid? Holy shit he is on the BALL with all this! I didn't know guys like this existed any more. And I'm so happy he picked me. c:

I'm already turning out to be a horrible influence on the guy though, drawing him as a turtle and making him sign up on FurAffinity.net lol... SO BAD I know but it makes me happy that he seems interested in what I do and that I'm an artist. :D I'm use to people scoffing at me "That's not a real job" BS sort of idea.

But now when I make us tons of fan art.

Which I already got started on here:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4247951
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4251623
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4253349

I get to tag him in them all since he does have an account, people won't be all "whodis?".

I need to get my butt back to work but I also can't seem to put this book down, some romance novel I picked up from walmart since we don't have any more book stores around le sigh. But it's called "Seven Secrets of Seduction" by Anne Mallory. So far I'm getting a real kick out of it and enjoying myself. But I gotta put it down so I can get back to drawing!!! Eep!

Haha, well that's my quick little fun update, thanks for reading! <3

Sweet on sweetness...

So I've been listening to Jessie James nonstop lately. lol
I love this song - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-dzl0XcDRo

I figured I'd post on here again with something not.. raging. Haha.Life is having it's ups and downs as always, good things happening but the bad come around to meet their every step. Yet I'm not feeling to overwhelmed or depressed about it, in fact I'm having a hard time even thinking about the bad things. I'm just so thoroughly distracted in giggles and smiles.... It's honestly baffling.

So this new guy name Grill I might while back has really been warming up to me, I really wasn't sure what to make of it. I was shy but mostly scared.. After how my ex left with his selected parting words I didn't want to emotionally invest in anything other than myself and my dogs.
But quickly this guy is practically shoving his way into my life, and.. well... heck I kind of like it. I need to get to know him better and spend more time with him, I'm finding myself to be really nervous to do so, it's just hard to show someone all your flaws.

And yet I really want too.. So weird, haha. I've never thought of myself as a touchy-cuddly person. I never was in previous relationships, I felt awkward and crowded, like I couldn't breathe. I couldn't stand to have them so close which is why a long distance relationship was so perfect at the time. I get to be lovey-dovey on my won terms without the cling, I actually hated being touched by my ex sad as that is... But I'm finding this to be completely opposite now, Grill takes my hand, gives me little kisses, and I can feel myself blushing. Even now I find myself wanting to snuggle in a little closer which again. Weird for me. I'm not a touchy person. Hmm.. maybe it's the rush of infatuation? Who really knows.What I've decided though is that I'll roll with it. I figured, why not? I've been hurt many times before and it's always made me a stronger, better person for it. I'll leap again and sincerely hope this time my landing is a little more softer.

I just hope he'll ask me officially again now. c: So romantic that way. Haha... I'm such a nerd.

I've been drawing so much lately, mostly work... But hey it's still art. My wrists aren't having any problems any more, it's pretty amazing!!! I haven't felt any strains for almost two months now. I'm so happy! But my back is hurting more than ever... I seriously think I need to start seeing a professional to work on it. It hurts so bad. :C

Also cats and dogs don't like Pop-Its. Unless you're my corgi named Candy, she darts after them biting the ground! She's such a goof, that's why I love her. Even if she's the worlds biggest brat.
I think I need to try not biting my nails again. Get the who growth formula and everything.. I'm so nervous about my hands and I'm biting so bad again they're raw and in so much pain, just one less thing I need. But not biting them will be hell to do, longest I've ever gone was 3 weeks.

Work over at Subeta hopefully will take a turn for the better, I've been less than my best. I've spent to much time worrying about other things that I'm not taking my job into real consideration and I'm really working hard to fix that. I just hope I'm not to late to prove my worth to their site.

And my commissions have been going pretty good too! Soon as I can sit down and get started on them I have a super hard time trying to stop even if it's to eat or sleep... LIKE RIGHT NOW lol!

I made some doodles too!

This is a doodle for a friend, her name is Kiminess on Subeta! -^

This was a drawing of my own pet named Navon.-^
This is my Supsaur. He's pretty chill. -^

Haha, Gotta love random doodles... One thing I do really miss lately is the thrill of ordering a new book every couple of weeks, but my bad budgeting has finally caught up to me so it looks like my amazon wish list will have to wait a couple of months at least before I can pick up another new book. But I do love my current collection and love love love to reread them over and over. It's so amazing to see how these teams created whole new worlds for their stories, I just sit here in awe hoping some day I can do the same.

That's all I got for now, seeing how I still haven't slept...... hm. Not good.

Haha, thanks for reading everyone!