Made myself an easy to use tumblr account to post doodles on.
http://doodleloser.tumblr.com/
http://doodleloser.tumblr.com/
http://doodleloser.tumblr.com/
Oct 19, 2010
Oct 17, 2010
Frustrated...
I'm sick of everyone right now. Uhg. Can't even draw due to the frustration...
oiii....
Just gotta work work work...... Get rid of all the bad things and focus on work.
oiii....
Just gotta work work work...... Get rid of all the bad things and focus on work.
Oct 11, 2010
Up in the Stars
I remember promising more pictures to show of my short short hair! Here is a whole photobucket gallery [PLEASE BEWARE, THERE ARE SOME NSFW PICTURES] of a bunch of pictures goofy and cute that I've taken over the month!
News, news, news! I've applied for a new job over at Target to work overnight flow/stocking. I got the job easy as pie! Now it's just a new goal to be a MAN and keep at the job hard working and 100%! I can't be flaky about it since I really need to save up the cash!
Above is me after orientation, I won a little Target Puppy Plushie for guessing closest to what our store is scored out of 1700. I guessed 50, it was actually 65. Pretty damn good for little ol' Grand Forks ND right?
Well many things have hit the fan since my last post here. I've moved back home with my mom after losing my contract with Subeta which was completely understandable. All bads on my part. I wasn't sure if I could get another job fast enough to manage on my own so to be safe than sorry I convinced my mom to let me move back into the computer room. She cleaned up my room so nicely I couldn't have it back, lol.
This in the long run helps me with my long term goals. By the end of next spring/start of next summer I plan to be moving to Kentucky. I have no reasons to stay in North Dakota, I'm not successful any career, I'm not in school, I'm.. just.. well lurking here. And that's not the life I want. So I'm going to be much more active and shaping up and getting my life into some reality checks! By moving out of the home state I'm accomplishing one goal, I'll be much closer to any if not a ton of conventions of ALL different sorts. Yes, this means next year summer/fall I will officially be attending conventions! Crazy right? It will be a way to help promote myself as an artist and meet all the crazy cool people I know by the internet.
That much aside, the move has gone well, I have everything MOSTLY in order. I just gotta get my name off the lease at the old house and swap over all the bills to one of the room mates. I just keep getting distracted and never have the time to get a hold of her which again is my bad.
Other deals in my life... Well romantics I suppose, I'm just not cut out for it right now I think. I have a lot on my plate self-goal wise that I don't have the energy to keep up with a new love interest. The first one, Grill, as you all may have seen did not turn out so well. I dated him for a short 3 weeks but that clearly was just enough to make a man go crazy. I was extremely sad to find out in the end he really didn't care about me... He only wanted to get laid and I was the closest option to it. Now all he has to say about me are filthy names... He's a crazy guy, but if you're not romantically inclined to him I think he's still some what of a good person. He was a really nice guy and seemed like a good friend to talk to and hang out with. If only I didn't have tits. :/ I can't seem to keep any good guy friends because they all just want sex.... Shit really sucks.
Next one was a really sweet kid that was introduced to me by a friend, but there is a lot of growing up to do on both sides. I just wanted to play cute little crush girl again but it wasn't the right time. After two failed attempts I now more officially now it's better off to just wait.
I know how to date someone I've fallen in LOVE with. Someone who is a dear friend to me, who is a relief to talk to, is a complete blast to be with. Even when we fight we end up laughing over it hours later. That is the man[or woman] I need to date. This whole, "Hey I sorta like you" nonsense isn't getting me anywhere romance wise. So I'll just cut that shit out now lol. Sticking to the cute, fun, playful and single flirt!
Art wise for me right now is really tough stuff... I've lost just about all my drive lately. I bet my customers are cursing my name as I type this, but I just can't seem to get a good grasp on my art-self. I think I've been hurt a few to many times lately and left in a muck of emotional sulking that I don't know how to fix just yet. It's not a simple "hugs feel better" instant fix! It's just something that has to come naturally on it's own or else I'm only half-assing all my work.. And that's not what my customers are paying for. I want to give them the best I can do.
Just right now I'm completely stumped... Even when drawing for myself I can't seem to get out a scribble or two. It hurts since I want to draw, I have some ideas in my head that I'd like to get on screen, but when I sit down to do it.... Nothing is there. I feel empty, weak, almost lifeless.... It's a horrible feeling.
So right now I'm just looking for my spark and praying that my customers will forgive me and be patient. Hopefully I can at least refund the people who do get to frustrated with me now that I have a job. Not a good way to please a customer although... :C
Life is tough, it has it's ups and downs. Regardless of all the distance that is happening between me and my friends right now, the repeating heart breaks, and terrible nightmares I think I'm still pretty positive and happy. Or at least I'm trying really hard to be...
Leaving this post with a little song lyric.
♪♫ I'll watch you falling from me,
When you hit the ground maybe you'll see,
The only way to fall is down
and I'll be up in the stars
but I'll be anywhere you are,
just say you need me and I'll come down ♪♫
Hurts to say it. But I miss him so much.
Sigh.. Thanks for reading,
AJ <3
News, news, news! I've applied for a new job over at Target to work overnight flow/stocking. I got the job easy as pie! Now it's just a new goal to be a MAN and keep at the job hard working and 100%! I can't be flaky about it since I really need to save up the cash!
Above is me after orientation, I won a little Target Puppy Plushie for guessing closest to what our store is scored out of 1700. I guessed 50, it was actually 65. Pretty damn good for little ol' Grand Forks ND right?
Well many things have hit the fan since my last post here. I've moved back home with my mom after losing my contract with Subeta which was completely understandable. All bads on my part. I wasn't sure if I could get another job fast enough to manage on my own so to be safe than sorry I convinced my mom to let me move back into the computer room. She cleaned up my room so nicely I couldn't have it back, lol.
This in the long run helps me with my long term goals. By the end of next spring/start of next summer I plan to be moving to Kentucky. I have no reasons to stay in North Dakota, I'm not successful any career, I'm not in school, I'm.. just.. well lurking here. And that's not the life I want. So I'm going to be much more active and shaping up and getting my life into some reality checks! By moving out of the home state I'm accomplishing one goal, I'll be much closer to any if not a ton of conventions of ALL different sorts. Yes, this means next year summer/fall I will officially be attending conventions! Crazy right? It will be a way to help promote myself as an artist and meet all the crazy cool people I know by the internet.
That much aside, the move has gone well, I have everything MOSTLY in order. I just gotta get my name off the lease at the old house and swap over all the bills to one of the room mates. I just keep getting distracted and never have the time to get a hold of her which again is my bad.
Other deals in my life... Well romantics I suppose, I'm just not cut out for it right now I think. I have a lot on my plate self-goal wise that I don't have the energy to keep up with a new love interest. The first one, Grill, as you all may have seen did not turn out so well. I dated him for a short 3 weeks but that clearly was just enough to make a man go crazy. I was extremely sad to find out in the end he really didn't care about me... He only wanted to get laid and I was the closest option to it. Now all he has to say about me are filthy names... He's a crazy guy, but if you're not romantically inclined to him I think he's still some what of a good person. He was a really nice guy and seemed like a good friend to talk to and hang out with. If only I didn't have tits. :/ I can't seem to keep any good guy friends because they all just want sex.... Shit really sucks.
Next one was a really sweet kid that was introduced to me by a friend, but there is a lot of growing up to do on both sides. I just wanted to play cute little crush girl again but it wasn't the right time. After two failed attempts I now more officially now it's better off to just wait.
I know how to date someone I've fallen in LOVE with. Someone who is a dear friend to me, who is a relief to talk to, is a complete blast to be with. Even when we fight we end up laughing over it hours later. That is the man[or woman] I need to date. This whole, "Hey I sorta like you" nonsense isn't getting me anywhere romance wise. So I'll just cut that shit out now lol. Sticking to the cute, fun, playful and single flirt!
Art wise for me right now is really tough stuff... I've lost just about all my drive lately. I bet my customers are cursing my name as I type this, but I just can't seem to get a good grasp on my art-self. I think I've been hurt a few to many times lately and left in a muck of emotional sulking that I don't know how to fix just yet. It's not a simple "hugs feel better" instant fix! It's just something that has to come naturally on it's own or else I'm only half-assing all my work.. And that's not what my customers are paying for. I want to give them the best I can do.
Just right now I'm completely stumped... Even when drawing for myself I can't seem to get out a scribble or two. It hurts since I want to draw, I have some ideas in my head that I'd like to get on screen, but when I sit down to do it.... Nothing is there. I feel empty, weak, almost lifeless.... It's a horrible feeling.
So right now I'm just looking for my spark and praying that my customers will forgive me and be patient. Hopefully I can at least refund the people who do get to frustrated with me now that I have a job. Not a good way to please a customer although... :C
Life is tough, it has it's ups and downs. Regardless of all the distance that is happening between me and my friends right now, the repeating heart breaks, and terrible nightmares I think I'm still pretty positive and happy. Or at least I'm trying really hard to be...
Leaving this post with a little song lyric.
♪♫ I'll watch you falling from me,
When you hit the ground maybe you'll see,
The only way to fall is down
and I'll be up in the stars
but I'll be anywhere you are,
just say you need me and I'll come down ♪♫
Hurts to say it. But I miss him so much.
Sigh.. Thanks for reading,
AJ <3
Sep 8, 2010
Hair Cut!
These are shitty camera phone pictures, sorry in advance! But I just wanted to update real quick about my new short short hair cut. :D
BEFORE....
AFTER....
Also keep in mind I let my roomie "style" it too. I'm really NOT a fan of product of any kind touching my hair. So I'll update later with better quality photos with more natural fluffy hair. c:
squeeee short cheap hair just before freezing winter.. oh god what have I done lol.
BEFORE....
AFTER....
Also keep in mind I let my roomie "style" it too. I'm really NOT a fan of product of any kind touching my hair. So I'll update later with better quality photos with more natural fluffy hair. c:
squeeee short cheap hair just before freezing winter.. oh god what have I done lol.
Aug 31, 2010
Get your ducks in a row!
Hey everyone, been a little while again since I last posted right? Haha...
Since then I've been on and off again with life, go figure, but you do what you can with it. I've been putting up my business cards around town, no emails yet but then again not everyone in the general public understands or enjoys art the way customers do on FA/DA/Other sites similar.
Played around with the dating game again with a super swell guy, but only to realize that it was to soon and I wasn't prepared to jump that deep yet. It's a shame since I liked him well enough, but it just wasn't enough if you know what I mean...
I've just been thinking lately after my last stresser this month how even more so I need to get my ducks in a row, get my plans made up, priorities straight so that the next time I want to take a swim in the love pool I might be a little more ready. But for now I'm happy just to dab my feet in the shallows, maybe break some hearts and have a few loose ends. Life is gamble! Win or lose, you're still living it with another chance to roll. And that's what I'm doing, I got a little stung from the last guy here and as I do feel I deserved a little of it he was taking 20 steps faster than I could ever manage to catch up. So here I am, rolling again.
Today has been stressful, hurtful, lots of things. I lost another friend even though I kept my heart open to them. People just don't care to keep things like me around I guess, so I'll keep looking for the people who will find me worth while to keep around regardless of what tag I wear to them. They are the ones worth searching for after all!
I spent my day moping around the house, but I did manage to get some doodles done. Nothing to incredibly fancy but I made a new character for an art club I'm in on DeviantArt. It's called Valley of Siyyon and my newest character there is Sirius the Qilin taurkin! I'm also a club moderator there, I help out by being the creativity behind the Humans and Spirit animals part of the club. I have a lot cut out for me that's for my spare time when I'm not working for subeta or on my commissions. Speaking of which I need to get back and cracking on those! I have a lovely break since my last quota due-date and now that I think my near-burn-out is over I can roll back into work.
Last I did tonight was take a really long hot shower, got completely squeaky clean. Tossed on a shirt and shorts and went walking around town all odd hours of the night. Got some hoots and hollas, waved and smiled. It was hard though, I felt pretty glum even after drawing today... By the time I got back near my house it was about 4:25am and I was at the park. I just wandered over to the swing set like I did at my moms place and her lil park and sat down.. I sat there letting the cold breeze swing over me, it was so refreshing. But all of sudden I found myself crying.
I cried long and hard for a good 30 minutes at the least.... I sat there and thought all the "Oh poor me" thoughts I could manage to think up. Soon enough as my head started to pound I got up sniffling wiping away all my snot and tears on my shirt I walked back home. I got inside the house where my two dogs were waiting excitedly for me. Shutting the door behind me I just sat down on the stairs still sniffling and crying here and there to myself but my two pooches wouldn't have that.
They both came wagging up to me and got right in my face licking all the slop, I groaned in disgust but then began to laugh because no matter how hard I tried to push them away they aways came back pushing against me, trying to get my lap, getting under my arms. Just doing what they do best, making their momma happy as can be. It was then I started to think about all the amazing things I do have in my life. I have a brand new car, I have wonderful friends, I have a mother who loves me, a house to sleep in, a job to pay for it all, two lovely little dogs who mean the world to me.
Even though there was no one there to hold me as I cried, to pat my head, rub my back, nothing at all like that... It's okay. I know it's a nice thing to have, but it's not a necessary thing to have. There are not a lot of people who can see that side of me, this completely broken sad self I try so hard to keep tucked away these days and I hope no one ever does have to see it. I hope I don't have to see it ever again too. But it will surface once in a while, but I'll remember to breath, to smile, and to tell everyone I care about how much I love them.
You hear that? I love you Mom, Jesse J, Katie B, Morgan S, Jackie L, Hayley H, Candy and Shade. You guys in your unimaginable ways help make my world go round. How you do it still baffles and astounds me. And I'm lucky. Thanks guys, I hope you know I miss you all so much even though we're so near each other I don't see you all nearly enough.
Ahh, life is tough. But we all manage one way or another. I hope some day I can do a little better than "manage".
Thanks for reading everyone. <3
Since then I've been on and off again with life, go figure, but you do what you can with it. I've been putting up my business cards around town, no emails yet but then again not everyone in the general public understands or enjoys art the way customers do on FA/DA/Other sites similar.
Played around with the dating game again with a super swell guy, but only to realize that it was to soon and I wasn't prepared to jump that deep yet. It's a shame since I liked him well enough, but it just wasn't enough if you know what I mean...
I've just been thinking lately after my last stresser this month how even more so I need to get my ducks in a row, get my plans made up, priorities straight so that the next time I want to take a swim in the love pool I might be a little more ready. But for now I'm happy just to dab my feet in the shallows, maybe break some hearts and have a few loose ends. Life is gamble! Win or lose, you're still living it with another chance to roll. And that's what I'm doing, I got a little stung from the last guy here and as I do feel I deserved a little of it he was taking 20 steps faster than I could ever manage to catch up. So here I am, rolling again.
Today has been stressful, hurtful, lots of things. I lost another friend even though I kept my heart open to them. People just don't care to keep things like me around I guess, so I'll keep looking for the people who will find me worth while to keep around regardless of what tag I wear to them. They are the ones worth searching for after all!
I spent my day moping around the house, but I did manage to get some doodles done. Nothing to incredibly fancy but I made a new character for an art club I'm in on DeviantArt. It's called Valley of Siyyon and my newest character there is Sirius the Qilin taurkin! I'm also a club moderator there, I help out by being the creativity behind the Humans and Spirit animals part of the club. I have a lot cut out for me that's for my spare time when I'm not working for subeta or on my commissions. Speaking of which I need to get back and cracking on those! I have a lovely break since my last quota due-date and now that I think my near-burn-out is over I can roll back into work.
Last I did tonight was take a really long hot shower, got completely squeaky clean. Tossed on a shirt and shorts and went walking around town all odd hours of the night. Got some hoots and hollas, waved and smiled. It was hard though, I felt pretty glum even after drawing today... By the time I got back near my house it was about 4:25am and I was at the park. I just wandered over to the swing set like I did at my moms place and her lil park and sat down.. I sat there letting the cold breeze swing over me, it was so refreshing. But all of sudden I found myself crying.
I cried long and hard for a good 30 minutes at the least.... I sat there and thought all the "Oh poor me" thoughts I could manage to think up. Soon enough as my head started to pound I got up sniffling wiping away all my snot and tears on my shirt I walked back home. I got inside the house where my two dogs were waiting excitedly for me. Shutting the door behind me I just sat down on the stairs still sniffling and crying here and there to myself but my two pooches wouldn't have that.
They both came wagging up to me and got right in my face licking all the slop, I groaned in disgust but then began to laugh because no matter how hard I tried to push them away they aways came back pushing against me, trying to get my lap, getting under my arms. Just doing what they do best, making their momma happy as can be. It was then I started to think about all the amazing things I do have in my life. I have a brand new car, I have wonderful friends, I have a mother who loves me, a house to sleep in, a job to pay for it all, two lovely little dogs who mean the world to me.
Even though there was no one there to hold me as I cried, to pat my head, rub my back, nothing at all like that... It's okay. I know it's a nice thing to have, but it's not a necessary thing to have. There are not a lot of people who can see that side of me, this completely broken sad self I try so hard to keep tucked away these days and I hope no one ever does have to see it. I hope I don't have to see it ever again too. But it will surface once in a while, but I'll remember to breath, to smile, and to tell everyone I care about how much I love them.
You hear that? I love you Mom, Jesse J, Katie B, Morgan S, Jackie L, Hayley H, Candy and Shade. You guys in your unimaginable ways help make my world go round. How you do it still baffles and astounds me. And I'm lucky. Thanks guys, I hope you know I miss you all so much even though we're so near each other I don't see you all nearly enough.
Ahh, life is tough. But we all manage one way or another. I hope some day I can do a little better than "manage".
Thanks for reading everyone. <3
Aug 7, 2010
Here's my card.
So I just finally got my business cards in the mail today! Pretty exciting!
I designed them myself!
It took me 3 versions before this official copy to decide on a card, here are the previous ideas I was testing out before I came to my final decision on what I wanted to show to people through card form.
[1] was my very first attempt at a business card. Very bland, didn't catch attention, just.. all around boring.
[2] second attempt to be simple and to the point. But still I didn't think it was very me at all. I just didn't like the bright white feel it had.
[3] third attempt I didn't get very far. I just wanted to show people that I wanted more of a vivid, dark, eye catching card. Something flashy in a way.
[Final - 4] the last attempt was is the one I liked best. It came in various colors originally but in the end I believe that purple and yellow go hand in hand. Make both colors pop, stand out, just be there own. I wonder why I didn't think to draw a tablet pen since that's what I prefer to work with over a paint brush, I don't even know how to paint actually! Haha, pretty funny to think about.
I just had to update with my flashy new cards, I'm so happy now I have them to hand out when talking about my artistic career! C: Now I just gotta get into learning how to make prints, posters, cards, magnets, all those little trinkets and goodies. It amazing me how much I still have to learn in order to survive the art world business and I took no consideration before LEAPING into it, maybe that's the best way in the end for me. Paddle vigorously and hope to hell I don't sink.
Thanks for reading everyone!
I designed them myself!
It took me 3 versions before this official copy to decide on a card, here are the previous ideas I was testing out before I came to my final decision on what I wanted to show to people through card form.
[1] was my very first attempt at a business card. Very bland, didn't catch attention, just.. all around boring.
[2] second attempt to be simple and to the point. But still I didn't think it was very me at all. I just didn't like the bright white feel it had.
[3] third attempt I didn't get very far. I just wanted to show people that I wanted more of a vivid, dark, eye catching card. Something flashy in a way.
[Final - 4] the last attempt was is the one I liked best. It came in various colors originally but in the end I believe that purple and yellow go hand in hand. Make both colors pop, stand out, just be there own. I wonder why I didn't think to draw a tablet pen since that's what I prefer to work with over a paint brush, I don't even know how to paint actually! Haha, pretty funny to think about.
I just had to update with my flashy new cards, I'm so happy now I have them to hand out when talking about my artistic career! C: Now I just gotta get into learning how to make prints, posters, cards, magnets, all those little trinkets and goodies. It amazing me how much I still have to learn in order to survive the art world business and I took no consideration before LEAPING into it, maybe that's the best way in the end for me. Paddle vigorously and hope to hell I don't sink.
Thanks for reading everyone!
Aug 2, 2010
Flowers over Candies
Eeee, I just had to update RIGHT NOW!
I just got an adorable gift.
Grill snuck over to my house during a lunch break and left it on my care, proceeding to send me a picture text message saying there was a present waiting for me outside. You can not imagine my excitement as I tripped up my own stairs haha.
Isn't it gorgeous?!
Ok.. I admit, I was once one of those girls, "Flowers? Why the hell would I want flowers? Give me candy instead!" But after receiving my first rose... OMG I AM GIDDY <3
I just can't stop "Awwww" or "Squeeee!!!" ing over it all. It's just to sweet! Thank you Grill!!!!! <3 I remember where I had to hint like MAD to get previous guys to do.. well... anything. Sigh. +Rolls eyes at memories.+ But this kid? Holy shit he is on the BALL with all this! I didn't know guys like this existed any more. And I'm so happy he picked me. c:
I'm already turning out to be a horrible influence on the guy though, drawing him as a turtle and making him sign up on FurAffinity.net lol... SO BAD I know but it makes me happy that he seems interested in what I do and that I'm an artist. :D I'm use to people scoffing at me "That's not a real job" BS sort of idea.
But now when I make us tons of fan art.
Which I already got started on here:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4247951
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4251623
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4253349
I get to tag him in them all since he does have an account, people won't be all "whodis?".
I need to get my butt back to work but I also can't seem to put this book down, some romance novel I picked up from walmart since we don't have any more book stores around le sigh. But it's called "Seven Secrets of Seduction" by Anne Mallory. So far I'm getting a real kick out of it and enjoying myself. But I gotta put it down so I can get back to drawing!!! Eep!
Haha, well that's my quick little fun update, thanks for reading! <3
I just got an adorable gift.
Grill snuck over to my house during a lunch break and left it on my care, proceeding to send me a picture text message saying there was a present waiting for me outside. You can not imagine my excitement as I tripped up my own stairs haha.
Isn't it gorgeous?!
Ok.. I admit, I was once one of those girls, "Flowers? Why the hell would I want flowers? Give me candy instead!" But after receiving my first rose... OMG I AM GIDDY <3
I just can't stop "Awwww" or "Squeeee!!!" ing over it all. It's just to sweet! Thank you Grill!!!!! <3 I remember where I had to hint like MAD to get previous guys to do.. well... anything. Sigh. +Rolls eyes at memories.+ But this kid? Holy shit he is on the BALL with all this! I didn't know guys like this existed any more. And I'm so happy he picked me. c:
I'm already turning out to be a horrible influence on the guy though, drawing him as a turtle and making him sign up on FurAffinity.net lol... SO BAD I know but it makes me happy that he seems interested in what I do and that I'm an artist. :D I'm use to people scoffing at me "That's not a real job" BS sort of idea.
But now when I make us tons of fan art.
Which I already got started on here:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4247951
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4251623
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4253349
I get to tag him in them all since he does have an account, people won't be all "whodis?".
I need to get my butt back to work but I also can't seem to put this book down, some romance novel I picked up from walmart since we don't have any more book stores around le sigh. But it's called "Seven Secrets of Seduction" by Anne Mallory. So far I'm getting a real kick out of it and enjoying myself. But I gotta put it down so I can get back to drawing!!! Eep!
Haha, well that's my quick little fun update, thanks for reading! <3
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